ERRRRRRRRRCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH

That is my sad attempt at a screeching stop... That is also my 4th attempt deeming this the most worked on title to a post... Lets all take a moment to recognize this sad event ;) Ok, I am done... Anyway. YES, I have come to a screeching stop! I haven’t been able to breathe since October 1st! Its my fault but HEY, what can I say... Sometimes I am an overachiever :) Anyway... So this month (last month... I am so confused) I have been really hard on myself! I am thinking of all the stuff that I needed to do that I didn’t do and how on earth I was such a horrible mother/wife/person that I wasn’t able to get all these things done, I mean really? Who wouldn’t be able to do all of the stuff that I put on my plate... My plate that slowly turned into a platter that slowly turned into a trough... I don’t know if that made sense but I was trying to be deep- which isn’t the right word... This post is a mess! SEE I can’t even do this right.. Ok really I am not being that down on myself. But this month I felt like a failure. WHY? Because of this list of stuff I didn’t get done.. Ready?
* Ghosts... Undone.. All the stuff bought and sitting their waiting for me to make... Next year I guess
* Boys Pumpkin treat holders... I was going to make them a treat holder and every morning the week before Halloween they would get a treat in it for Halloween... Not finished... I just had to give them all their treats the nonfun way of handing them to them... Seriously who does that :)
* Every year I carve a really cool fun pumpkin... This year it is sitting on my porch half carved... That’s the look I was going for right?
* There are at least 3 Halloween crafts that my children were DEPRIVED of doing!
* I was unable to do 2 homework assignments! 2!! That actually really is a big deal.. and I know what you are thinking... I am not a slacker... BUT I will not get the A which will totally blow my streak!
* I MISSED at least 2 of Braxten’s homework assignments... I know I am a horrible mother, good thing he is in Kindergarten and it doesn’t even count (I actually don’t even know what they do with the homework, I ask Braxten and he says nothing... hmmmm...)
* I didn’t make the haunted houses with my children.. What kindof mother doesn’t make the haunted houses with her kids?
* My hair is STILL scraggly because I couldn’t find 1 hr. this WHOLE month to go get my hair trimmed...
* I didn’t and still DON’T have the plans for a party I am doing... I am bad... So bad.
* I STILL haven’t sent out a single picture of Jackson.. He is 10 months people~
* I haven’t taken the boys on all the walks
* I haven’t sat and played with the boys till my hearts content
* I haven’t gone out with Kyle and had me and him time
* I haven’t spent an entire day with my family where I am not freaking about something I need to do
* I haven’t had me time in who knows how long
* I haven’t caught up on my blogging
* I haven’t scrapbooked a single picture!
I feel guilt GUILT people! How can a mother do this to her husband/children/self? And while I sit here and get so down on my self I try to remember that really I am only one person... And while every night I get down on myself and think of all the stuff that I DIDN’T do... I than think of this list of all I did in Oct....
* I worked 184 hours... Give or take a couple hours...
* I turned in 15 homework assignments... After staying up till midnight numerous nights in a row...
* I organized a family party with crafts, treats and a movie with my parents
* I went to 4 soccer games and cheered my son on!
* I decorated my house the first weekend in October
* I attended at least 3 Dr. appts for my children
* I tended to sick children
* I had to go to the dentist
* I scheduled and rescheduled 3 different appts
* I made cupcakes (and freaked out because they weren’t good enough) and bought soda for the school carnival
* I went and spent way too much money to support the school at their carnival (and felt bad we didn’t stay longer)
* I set up a wonderful double date night and we went to a movie and haunted house!* I went to the berry ranch and picked out some great pumpkins and than to Artic Circle for pumpkin pie milkshakes
* I went to the store and picked up the boys new winter coats and their costumes.
* I went and picked apples (SOOOO FUN!!!)
* I scheduled babysitting and ran around like a chicken with my head chopped off to make it to a Friday BSU game for a night with Kyle
* I went to the corn mazes with the family
* I took 2 of 6 Love and Logic classes
* I went and made a bunch of Christmas crafts
* I went grocery shopping 2 times
* I went to the store at least 7 other times for other random stuff to do my many projects
* I made bats to hang on the outside of the house
* I made creepy eyes for our garage
* I made ghosts for inside
* I made silhouettes to put on the window... They actually looked decent too
* I put together 2 favorite things baskets at midnight on a work night
* I helped carve pumpkins
* I put together a Halloween party and movie night with our family and parents (another one... I am not trying to get double credit!)
* I made a skirt
* I made my Halloween costume
* I made Jackson’s Halloween costume 2 times!
* I made cookies from Braxten’s school party
* I went and volunteered at Braxten’s school party
* I took my kids to my moms work to trick or treat
* I went trick or treating with my kids
* I got the boys up early one week to get them to Mistie’s because Kyle worked early (I know all mothers get their kids up early but I put this in here because when I leave for work at 610 my children are usually still in bed so I had to get the poor guys up early and ready in 20 min!)
* I completely cleaned and organized Jacksons room/the toy room
* I helped Braxten with a packet of homework, while helping Gannon do his workbook, feeding all the boys snack and cleaning the kitchen every day after work (again, normal mom stuff, not trying to make a big deal out of it.. Just trying to make myself realize that I actually do get stuff done during the day)
* I went to a lunch with my whole family and had pictures afterward
* I stayed up till at least 1130 for almost 2 weeks straight to turn around and get up between 430 and 5 am to get going to work
I shouldn’t have listed all of this out because again I still feel like I did nothing! (Note I said *I* on a lot and of course Kyle was there for all the family stuff!) Really... I feel like even though I didn’t accomplish everything I set out for.. I did accomplish SOMETHING, even if I don’t think its enough... Ok, so I had to leave in the middle of this post and it totally got me out of the mood in which I was writing... bummer...
I just know that this month I couldn’t do anything right in my eyes... I would make dinner and try to do something special for it and it would be ruined or one of my kids would say “I don’t like that” ... I was trying to bake the pumpkin seeds for the boys because they love them, I burnt them ... I wanted to go out front and watch Gannon ride his bike because he has been asking for like ever, we didn’t get to stay out because it was cold ... I sit down for 2 hours and make Jackson’s costume and put it on him and its HORRIBLE! ... I make my favorite Halloween treat and bake it too long... Just a taste of what I have been feeling... BUT I know that my kids aren’t going to remember the pumpkin seeds, or the cold, or THAT dinner... They are going to remember the hide and seek in the corn maze, the fun games we played for the Halloween party... The way I act JUST like them when there is ANYTHING holiday! I know what my kids need and what they will remember... I just constantly need to remind myself.

So I still have to catch up on blogging, from stuff from SEPTEMBER! Crazy... So here is my list:

Airshow
Gannon’s birthday
Gannon’s birthday party
ALL of October

That’s right, one of these days you will come here and see pictures and wonderful posts of all of the above.. BUT for today you get this.... And I feel a little better... Or do I? Still undecided... Just a side note I feel like I was whining... I wasn’t I am blessed beyond belief in all that I can do for my kids and all the family I am surrounded by.