Our Family has Grown by Two Feet!!!

And this post... Will be emotion filled... because darn it... I am emotion filled! I have never been one to express my emotions... I blame (I promise I don’t blame people for things in real life, apparently just when I write) the fact that I grew up with 3 brothers and expressing our emotions where punching and wrestling with each other... Not in a beating the crap out of each other way... But in the stress relief way... Anyway... So I have always found expressing emotions extremely hard for me to do and before I was a mom I would go months sometimes years without shedding tears. I find certain emotions very embarrassing, for example anger, I find this to be the most embarrassing emotion and it can make people say and do things that they wouldn’t normally do. I say this because I am angry... and I have taken my time to get over the initial anger so that I could make sure not to speak out of my anger, instead I can speak from my heart... Now this is why I am angry...

I believe I was born to be a mother, even in my teenage years when all I wanted to do was be with my friends, I wanted to be around kids and take care of kids, kids have ALWAYS been my life and I have always known I wanted a big family and I wanted one young. When me and Kyle first got pregnant with Braxten it may have not been traditional, but we were so happy it wasn’t even funny and most of our family supported us... But we got comments on ‘youth these days’ that I kindly ignored because this was the beginning of the happiest times of me and Kyle’s life. When I got pregnant with Gannon when Braxten was only about 7 months old I was mad because I couldn’t go shout from the rooftops how happy I was to be pregnant because of the skeptics looks and the comments we would get about being young and don’t we know what causes this and so forth, and Braxten was so young how were we going to get through... We got through it... And then when me and Kyle got pregnant with Jackson people had the audacity to approach my mother and tell her that she needed to tell me to get my tubes tied.... I wasn’t having it and I was hurt.... And when I had a month left of being pregnant with Jackson we KNEW that he wasn’t our last child and we had our plan of action for having our fourth child... So when we found out we were pregnant with this little bundle it was one of the happiest days! Until again I found out that people are poking their noses where it doesn’t belong... telling my mother that she needs to talk to us and tell us that we need to stop. Calling my mother ANGRY that we are pregnant again and asking how old Jackson is and telling her that I should not be having more kids and others telling my mother that I can never say I have no time if I am making these choices..... And to those people I have this to say... First of all, if you are going to act that way... take it somewhere else, I DON’T CARE what you have to say about, honestly, anything. ever... YOU weren’t there for 5+ months while I lay in bed crying and talking to Kyle about how we weren’t going to get pregnant and how this was so sad... You weren’t there for the numerous pregnancy tests that were taken and cried over... You weren’t there for the ‘what if we can’t get pregnant again’ talk... And then the day came! SOOOO Excited.... and then going to the first appointment and NOT finding a heartbeat... You weren’t there for the pleading prayers, and what if this wasn’t meant to be, and tears shed every night till our next ultra sound.... your weren’t in that ultrasound room holding your breath and crying just waiting for a GLIMPSE so you can finally breathe.. and went it came you didn’t cry those tears of joy... And actually still haven’t been able to breathe.... I keep telling myself to not get my hopes up till the 2^nd trimester... anyway... to those people who feel that they know how to live my life better than I do... THINK before you speak and don’t comment to me or my mom ever again... because I was brought to a reality that I didn’t want to be brought to by Kyle... Against my wishes this has to be my last baby and that saddens me more than I thought it would... So while you can judge all you want... I am embracing this and instead of wishing the time away, loving every day of morning sickness, loving the thought of the maternity clothes, loving every bit... I read about my pregnancy (I never did with the other three) almost every day and in ways treat this as my first because I know it’s my last, I am just glad I know it’s my last while I am pregnant so I can cherish every moment, every kick I feel that will be the last, and when I have this little one I will cherish every time I get to get up and feed the little one in the middle of the night...

Anyway... With that said and the ‘heavy’ stuff out of the way.... What I have felt with this pregnancy is crazy! With each pregnancy I have worst morning sickness, headaches, and apparently emotions with each one and this one has been no exception! I believe I have cried more at my desk at work with this one then I will ever admit and I am so thankful that no one has walked in my cube during any of my random moments... Brought on by anything from an e-mail, a random thought, or to looking at the pictures at my desk... I am so excited at the thought of having four children! This is going to be AWESOME!! In our house we have a little something I like to call organized Chaos... and I am always afraid for the new people who have to come into my house... people who either don’t have kids, or don’t have all boys... or don’t have all boys like my boys. Our house, I feel is their safe haven to be what they want to be and do what they want to do (to an extent) running and screaming through our house and wrestling and yelling and jumping off (specific, kid dedicated) furniture, making things ‘fly’ down the stairs are every day happenings and I feel they should always happen in our home (and will miss them when they are gone)... If a kid can’t feel at home, while in his own house then where can he feel at home? Anyway, I have felt very nostalgic lately and I have loved just sitting back and watching my kids and thinking through all the wonderful things I have learned being a mother and what wonderful things I can look forward too... And Here it is...

Things *I* have learned from being a mother to the best 3 boys I have ever met (I love your boys too) : )

-Silver permanent marker can cover a 3 yr old boys body in seconds, but takes weeks to get off

-A 1 yr old eating rice makes for rice in really odd places found for weeks

-The youngest of three boys will have no fear and will dive into a pile of wrestling boys without thinking twice

-A candle when dropped down the stairs does not break, but can make holes in the wall

-Watching your first born participate in his first Easter egg hunt can make me bawl (and not look at all weird)

-Dogs don’t like trampolines

-Putting things in the fan to see if they will break, makes the fan break

-A sink is a perfectly acceptable place for a 3 year old to bathe, and don’t you dare say otherwise!

-No fruit snacks or candy is safe while mom and dad sleep!

-Eating an entire box of fruit snacks and driving in a car for an hour is a HORRIBLE smelly idea.

-Lawn mowers are the best thing ever invented, and you should show yours off any chance you get

-There will never be too many action figures in the world

-A pair of pants has not chance against a 4-yr old like Gannon, he has won every time... I don’t know why they don’t just put holes in the knees to begin with

-Standing across the bathroom and aiming to the toilet is a wonderful game

-Potty training is torture... and boys hiding dirty underwear... don’t even get me started...

-Seeing your kid so proud cause he can use the toilet is story telling gold : )

-Pouring water onto the bathroom floor to empty the bathtub is not an ideal way to empty the tub

-Toys cannot be flushed down the toilet, and the ones small enough that can cause for many toilet overflows

-Using an entire bottle of foam soap to clean the bathroom counter does not so much clean the bathroom counter

-Squishing ants and bugs with your fingers is fun

-There is no limit to what (certain) children will eat off the ground (a gagging mother can’t even get this to stop)

-Farts, poop and burps... hilarity

-Boys can fight one minute, hate each other and then stand up for each other and be best friends the next

-Throwing toys at each other ‘really is a game mom, we promise’

-A boy can scream just as loud as girl (maybe not so shrill though thank goodness)

Anyway... I have never known innocence and tenderness till I had children, I never knew such ordinary daily things that we take for granted have to be taught and questioned in so many ways. I never thought I would miss sleepless nights that I was able to sit and discuss with my new born baby why people don’t usually stay up this late. I never thought I would miss a new born cry in the middle of the night, or the feel of teeth breaking through gums, the potty dance, baby spitting food at me, cutting food into tiny bites, taking 30 min out of a day to sit and feed a child, running behind a child to pick up everything they get into, finding toys in random place but I will, thank goodness I still can cherish all of this!.. I never thought I would break into tears every time I see my children reach a new milestone and develop that much more of their personality. I try not to complain and get annoyed when everything I say is questioned... when there are three children at my feet wanting my attention while I am trying to make dinner and talk to my husband and do homework, I never want to miss a warm embrace, or a soft kiss because I am too busy running around. I want my children to have strong opinions that challenge me and make both me and them think constantly... I want a large family and that is what we have dreamed of and are getting, I don’t want other people’s opinions pushed on me and bringing me down... I am happy. And every day I wake up to the wonderful man I am married to and the three children who have turned me into the person I am today, I am even happier.

I am a mother... what I always wanted to be!

*I know I am not the only one who has ever had to deal with the thoughts of not being pregnant or fearing miscarriage and I hope that it didn’t come across that way, that is heartache I have not had to feel and I want everyone out there who has had to feel that heartache, so know that my thoughts and prayers are always with you and you are strong women!!